I will no you so hard

re: Scott and not being ready to be an Alpha

Since when did a character being “ready” for something actually matter in a story? Being unprepared for something but having it happen anyway is a favourite plot device since forever. It’s pretty much this entire show, actually. Not wanting something for a character just because you don’t think they’ll be perfect at it from the start is just really, really silly. Characters can’t really grow unless they’re given a chance to be less than perfect! Also their story would end up really, really boring!

detectivebuttcop:

i am having a terrible day so here is a list of things i like:

fic about masturbation

birds that talk

wearing socks in grass

thunder

coke that isn’t overly fizzy

fatty, rare steak

friends

internet

music

soft tacos

teen wolf

“What the HELL, Stiles.” In the cramped darkness of the janitor’s closet Derek’s voice is incredulous and Stiles can practically hear the eyebrows judging his life choices.

Stiles tries to muster up some dignity in his response, “Arousal is a perfectly normal response to surviving a near death experience.” The effect is ruined by the soft, frustrated hitch in his voice.

“Oh, so that’s a -normal- response to a magical flock of murderous birds.” Derek’s giving him sass voice now, all light and sneering and not helping at all. “Get rid of it.”

Stiles’s indignant squawk blends harmoniously with that of the murder birds outside the door. “Oh sure, can do, Derek, no problemo. Boner, boner go away; come again some other day.” Was that that the sound of teeth grinding? Did werewolf healing cover dental? “It’s not as if I want-“

“Use pain.” Derek fucking Hale, everyone.

“Wow, yeahhhh. No.”

But suddenly he was being slammed up against the closet wall, glowing red eyes staring into his own, Derek’s breath hot against his face. “Then how about fear.”

And okay, he could understand logic here. Like maybe he could scare the fear-boner away like the fucking hiccups or whatever. Plus needless dramatics. Derek is the guy who decided the Kanima was immune to its own venom. Derek is the guy who thrives on theatric posturing. Derek logic is unique and often alarming and Stiles was becoming something of an expert in it. Sadly, Derek was not an expert on the logic of Stiles’s dick. They both pause a moment to silently acknowledge that the resulting reaction was the opposite of what Derek wanted and then the werewolf was carefully releasing him and moving away.

Awkward.

Oh god. He was going to die from an inappropriate erection due to some asshole’s fucked-up Hitchcock tribute. “Oh my god. Just…give me a minute.” Stiles palms himself through his pants, pressing hard as he could stand. He tries to steer his thoughts to his dad possibly being out in this, to Scott who was running to find Deaton, to Finstock’s random sex-ed lectures that had successfully prevented more teen sex than the school’s attempts at abstinence education. But none of that could make him ignore the fact that he was trapped in a closet, achingly hard, with danger on the other side of the door and Derek Hale -right there- paying attention to -his- increasingly adamant erection.

After several minutes of this, Derek finally just huffs and grinds out a clipped, “Just do it, then.”

And maybe Derek is trying to use reverse psychology on his dick because, once again, -Derek Hale logic- but that doesn’t prevent the wave of heat that courses through Stiles. Not even bothering to verbalize his answer, he just leans back against the wall, feet braced, and pulls out his cock with a relieved sigh.

This should be awkward. He should be talking nervously, making bizarre assurances and maybe faltering with performance anxiety. But Stiles has always enjoyed being a little shameless, taken pleasure in doing what he wants despite censure and social norms. Beating off in an enclosed space with an irritated Derek Hale is as easy as breathing. Easier even, because just thinking about this -actually happening- leaves Stiles forgetting to breathe with anything close to regularity.

Soon everything just fades into the background against the grip, drag, and pull of his fingers. Everything except the big leather elephant in the room. The other man isn’t touching him, isn’t saying anything, and maybe he’s trying his level best to ignore Stiles working his cock a mere foot away. But Stiles can hear Derek’s breath, is aware of his smallest movements, and then there’s the sheer heat of the werewolf’s body washing across his own. There’s a loud crash outside the door and Stiles doesn’t bother stifling his groan as that warmth moves closer, Derek slipping between his legs, arms bracketing him protectively. They’re still not touching and there’s something almost unbearably careful and controlled about it that has Stiles twisting his wrist just so in reaction.

The imminent danger outside doesn’t cause his hand to falter or hips from grinding into it with abortive little jerks. So yeah, maybe this really isn’t a normal response to having his life threatened, and it’s definitely not an appropriate one, but he can -feel- Derek just inches away and the other man is exhaling heavily and everything is -so close- that his breath slips hotly into Stiles’s mouth and the entire world goes white and silent. As far as orgasms go, it’s a trainwreck (this whole situation is) that has him slamming his head back against the wall, everything twisting and breaking as it courses out of him. When Stiles finally comes back to himself, back to the noise and the danger and the fact that he probably just came on Derek’s jeans, it’s with an abrupt, shocked laugh. Because this was a thing that just happened.

It doesn’t take long for his body to go back to some semblance of normality, even if his mind is still working through events with sluggish incredulity. Neither of them says anything to the other, not until well after the day is saved, explanations of avian terrorism explained, and they’re walking back to their respective cars.

Stiles had been careful not to look while the others were been present, but now that they are alone again he just -has- to see it. And yes, yes that’s definitely a tell-tale stain streaking across Derek’s thigh. Stiles doesn’t bother to fight the small, smug smile that crosses his lips and slips into his posture. There’s also several bloody, torn slashes in the denim like it had been clawed and huh, when did he get…?

Catching his gaze, Derek follows his line of sight, raising his increasingly judgmental eyebrows and answering the question before Stiles can even ask, “Some of us can actually -control- ourselves, Stiles.”

He climbs into the camaro and is driving away before Stiles can do anything other gape, his mind turning over the implications of that answer in ways that leave him palming at his crotch once more.

Source: detectivebuttcop

Squints judgementally at tumlr

4 days ago

loseyoursoul:

scientists are baffled

So Isaac is dismissively cute, and Allison gets a chance to actually grow as a person by learning from past decisions. HUH. HOW TERRIBLE FOR ALLISON’S CHARACTER.

(via breenwolf)

Source: loseyoursoul

(via breenwolf)

Source: ultraviiolett

For the Writers out there: Common Injuries And How To Treat Them

jellicleoverlord:

In my experience, RPers and Writers alike enjoy one thing: Making characters suffer. This little guide is supposed to help you with keeping injuries and the First Aid - in case you want to patch your character back together - realistic.
I am no medical professional, but I dare say I picked up a thing or two during my First Aider training ;)

Under read more for length! Also, trigger warnings for blood, I suppose?

Read More

Source: jellicleoverlord

theatlantic:

The Cheapest Generation: Why Aren’t Millennials Buying Cars or Houses?

What if Millennials’ aversion to car-buying isn’t a temporary side effect of the recession, but part of a permanent generational shift in tastes and spending habits? It’s a question that applies not only to cars, but to several other traditional categories of big spending—most notably, housing. And its answer has large implications for the future shape of the economy—and for the speed of recovery.

Read more. [Image: Kagan McLeod]

It’s safe to say that a decent number of Tumblr users are a part of the Millennial generation. So, tell us: Do you own a car or house? If not, why?

Nope. Because they’re scams I can’t afford to buy into. I don’t want a huge debt. When it comes to the money that’s being spent on owning a car or buying a house, nobody really has the best intentions for me.

Are cars being built to last several decades? No, like many manufactured goods now, longevity in a car is considered bad for business, and it would be better to me on a constant debt treadmill for the rest of my life. Oil costs are trickle-up economics at it’s worst. Car insurance is like all insurance, it’s a business that makes it’s money out of finding ways to deny and raise costs on people when they actually need it.

Houses are expensive, issues and damage to a house you own can devastate you financially and leave you homeless because once again, insurance is not something reliable enough to depend on. Banks also want people on the treadmill of debt.

And if something happens to you? If you start to have health problems? Those problems will spread to your ability to pay off that car and that house, because again, insurance is not reliable. Then that house and that car can be taken away from us, and where are we then? Then we have poor health we can’t afford, and the loss of two huge things we’ve come to rely on that we’ve sunk all our savings into.

Millennials aren’t spending because:

1) a lot of us can’t afford to be that trusting and optimistic

2) we’ve seen what house and car ownership have done, and continue to do to our parents

What businesses can start doing to fix shit:

1) actually be a good investment for those without tons of disposable income

2) actually be trustworthy, because the internet is more than happy to yell the flaws and problems with what you’re offering, even if your sellers aren’t

Source: The Atlantic

idjitsandassbutts:

ameliaelizabeth:

TIME’s new cover makes me so mad I could write essays about it, but instead I’m going to keep job hunting since in today’s world a university degree means nothing and therefore like much of my generation, I’m stuck choosing between minimum wage jobs and internships that I can’t afford to accept in an attempt to pay off my tens of thousands of dollars worth of student debt.

And since I don’t have a degree (or the accompanying debt), I can’t get a job that would actually enable me to afford to live on my own. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Translation of cover:

The Meme Generation

Millennials have adapted to a new professional world that doesn’t require tons physical labor, attempt to maintain good self esteem, and have returned to more traditional (and economical) family living arrangements.

Why they’ll save us all.

(via detectivebuttcop)

Source: ameliaelizabeth

alithea:

canisfamiliaris:

Is Junk Food Really Cheaper?

The answer is NO.

The “fact” that junk food is cheaper than real food has become a reflexive part of how we explain why so many Americans are overweight, particularly those with lower incomes. I frequently read confident statements like, “when a bag of chips is cheaper than a head of broccoli …” or “it’s more affordable to feed a family of four at McDonald’s than to cook a healthy meal for them at home.”

(via sunfoundation)

this bullshit fills me with a very specific kind of rage. so, TIME TO DEBUNK!

that meal from mcdonalds takes virtually no time to acquire AND is available almost anywhere.

the second meal? that “salad” is lettuce … with nothing else, not even dressing unless its just olive oil or some milk i guess? gross.

also thats the price of each serving, not an entire loaf of bread, a bottle of olive oil, etc. that stuff adds up which means you have to have a lot of money at one time to buy it all.

that meal probably took an hour and a half to make, which is a long fucking time when you work multiple jobs or are caring for a lot of people or dont have help! seriously, if you are a single parent of three who works, is spending an hour and a half every night preparing a meal a likely option?

same with beans and rice! also, you know whats a fucking bummer? eating beans and rice every night because you are poor. ask any person who has done it and they will tell you (you can start with me).

there is a “nutrition” argument here that lacks a follow up: poor people are more likely to be doing physical labor and need more than 571 calories per meal.

you know who is less likely to know how to bake or prepare a chicken? people without access to the internet, or libraries, or who werent taught how to by their parents because their parents worked all the time. access to healthy foods is a classist issue and classism is cyclical, you fucking morons.

seriously, these sorts of infographics make me want to fucking flip tables. do you know why people don’t eat more fresh fruits and vegetables? because fresh fruits and vegetables are expensive, because they take a long time to prepare, because they dont live near a grocery store that has a decent produce section, because they dont have reliable transportation to get groceries to and from the grocery store, because they dont have the energy to plan all of the shit that is involved in making healthy, intentional, filling, balanced meals. basically: poor people get fucked, and then we get BLAMED for being lazy.

eating “healthy”, aka access to fresh fruits and vegetables, is a privilege, first, foremost, always. so fuck you new york times and your ignorant goddamn infographic.

there are SYSTEMATIC REASONS that we do not have equal access to fresh fruits and vegetables. they are very REAL problems. besides, you know, systematic poverty in america, the total mis-distribution of farm subsidies is a perfect place to start. read about that, then either get bent or start working on the actual problem.

11. Preparing your own meals requires you to be in a place, financially, where you can risk failure. You need to be able to afford to ruin what you cook, make something you and your family dislikes, and have extra ingredients that will expire in a matter of days.

(via detectivebuttcop)

Source:

Do you, or does anyone in your family, own a gun?

deanwinchestears:

it’s for a research extra credit thing for booze, help me out

I don’t, but most people in my family own at least one handgun or hunting rifle, and my dad is a collector. He usually owns anywhere from 5-16 depending on if it’s a buyer’s market or a seller’s.

(via heathyr)

Source: deanwinchestears